ESCAZU HASH HOUSE HARRIERS

“The Jurassic Hash”

Sacred Jurassic Rag

                                   Run # 105                    35 Runners

Well guess what?  Yep, the Jurassic Hash Sacred Rag is back!  Well that is if someone will volunteer to write it.  Garlic Breath volunteered to write it but so far the only taker is this lowly, anonymous scribe who only ate a couple of plates of chicharrones at the Down-Down and stayed sober for a change, so here goes.

Nearly 35 drooling, panting hashers arrived at that motorcycle place on time at precisely 5:00 pm for historic run No. 105 of the Jurassic Hash and as usual after waiting nearly 10 more minutes while the Hooligan got out of his car on his new bionic legs the pack was off!  Oh did I mention besides the 35 regular runners there was also a new boot!  Let’s hear it for the new boot!  Okay, let’s not hear it for the new boot.  Anyway, he’s a Kraut from of all places Germany.  That’s right the Jurassic Hash is even famous in Germany.  Well the new boot claims not to be a Nazi so we unanimously decided to let him run.  Well Slow Dick had set the best run this year (not saying much since it’s still January).  The trail went south into the Pozos mountains with Austin Powers leading the pack and soon entered a forest of trees (like what other kind of forests are there?) and immediately went straight up hill for several kilometers thru the forest.  Did I mention the forest?  This was a run reminiscent (I like that word) of the now defunct San Jose Hash.  Well as the new boot, Sour Kraut, showed off at the front of the pack other more savvy hashers held back with the Hooligan (remember his bionic legs?) who was keeping up with the pack and even passing several runners!  Turns out his new bionic legs are an unfair advantage.  Garlic suggested we should all have a handicap like in golf so we can stay up with the Hooligan’s legs.  Well Slow Dick brought up the rear and what a rear following the Hooligan!  Farty Parts was especially obnoxious as he kept cutting them loose asphyxiating most of the pack and causing everyone’s eyes to burn and itch, not to mention the new boot Sour Crotch who asked innocently, “Farting is part of da hash, ya?”  Jerk Off responded that in this hash it unfortunately was.  This is where Farty Parts cut loose another one with a gurgling sound that resonated thru the surrounding forest and then he waddled off into the forest holding something in his back pants pockets with both hands and wasn’t seen again until after the run ended.  Eternal Hare added that you had to check the wind direction before running behind Farty Parts and the head of the pack was the safest place to be.  Well back to the run which lasted at least an hour and Clavo finally caught up with the pack saying he was late.  No shit Dick Tracy!  By now everyone got back to the motorcycle place and there was the Hooligan sipping a beer and finishing off his third plate of chicharrones.  He calls it health food to feed his bionic legs.  Did I tell you about his new bionic legs and the hash handicap idea?

At the Down-Down everyone congratulated Lethargic Dick with a well set run and for being the Grand Master for an entire year!  Let’s hear it for Slow Dick!  Okay, let’s not hear it for Slow Dick.  Although everyone tried to talk him into a second term as Grand Master, he modestly declined claiming his wife was tired of all those late night phone calls from drunken hashers asking to talk to the Lethargic Dick.  She reportedly told caller not to call again and that the Slow Dick was dead asleep, literally for years!  The owner of the motorcycle place tried unsuccessfully to intervene on the part of Slow Dick by giving everybody several rounds of free whisky shooters.  He must have given away a case of booze!  Now totally three sheets to the wind, this is where the pack finally held an impromptu election preceded by a lengthy campaign by several hashers including the new boot.  Did I tell you about the Kraut whose hash name appears to be The Crotch even wanted to become the GM.  Clavo told him in a very diplomatic way, “Hell no!”  Well after several lengthy counts of raised drunken limp hands Garlic Breath who was out in his car getting ready to leave was drug back to the motorcycle place, and to the Official Jurassic Polling Place, and was unanimously elected Jurassic Grand Master!   Several hours later when the new GM figured out what had happened he supposedly volunteered to write the Jurassic Hash Rag.  But as you can see, one too many Tropical Piñas and cheap cigars… all promises turn to BS.  On-On!!

Next Run No. 106 at Garlic Breath’s at the usual place since Austin Powers is off doing another movie, but claims to have a note from his mother/girl friend.  Oh, that’s at 5:00 pm sharp on Monday January 29^th in La Guacima.  Look for map in www.escazuhhh.com.